How To Drop the "S" Bomb On your Buddies

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This is an interesting article I found today. Here is the link to the original post. 

   How To Drop the "S" Bomb On your Buddies  

Telling your Friends you're sober: Michelle Tea drops the S-bomb on her old drinking buddies

By the time my decades-long chemical spree had ended, I had published a memoir about my exploits that a sober friend called a “drunkalogue” – a reference to AA shares that painstakingly detail every gutter puked in, stranger punched, and bedsheet peed upon throughout a person’s drinking career. I’d written a sex column in a lesbian magazine that the publisher was concerned had too many drugs in it. Strangers phoned me wondering if I could sell them ecstasy. I wasn’t what my mother called a “quiet drinker” – one of those sad sacks who drank alone in their rooms, hiding their inebriation. No way! I had hitched my inebriation to both my queer liberation (It’s party time!) and my feminism (If men can get wasted, so can I!) and put on quite a show of it.

To be fair, I put on quite a show of it in general. I’m a fairly open person. I’m honest with my friends, and as I tend to mistake vague acquaintances for actual friends, that means I’m forthright with pretty much everyone. Even still, telling people that I’d gotten sober was terrifying.

When you first get sober, you are a mess. Pure and simple. Anyone who finds that they need to quit alcohol has not had a swell run of it lately. You don’t give up the booze because of an errant drunk text or a nip of the cocktail flu. You stop because you’re frightening yourself. You’ve noticed how the alcohol’s affects on your body, mind, and spirit have been increasingly harsh. You don’t recognize yourself when you’re drunk. You feel like shit. You’re humiliated. You’ve ruined relationships. You’re losing self-respect. You quit because it’s just not fun anymore, and it hasn’t been for a while. You quit because you’re afraid you can’t. You quit because, as bad as it’s been lately, you know that it could get worse, and you wonder how awful you’ll let it get before you’re willing to make a change.

But when you’re first sober, all this wisdom, a basic understanding of your condition, is elusive. You’re fucked in the head. Why are you quitting? “I thought you loved drinking!” friends exclaim. Well, yeah – I sure did. “Isn’t it hard?” others ask, making you want to punch them in the neck. Hard? I was quite sure no one had lived through anything as grueling. “But you’re so fun drunk!” pout those who miss your conviviality at the bar but have never observed what you looked like long after last call, sobbing in your bedroom, puking in the water closet, fighting nonsensically with your date. Doing a line in the bathroom at work the next day to make it through your shift.

When people come at you with their questions, you are likely to wonder, “Yeah, why did I stop drinking?” Because sometimes it will seem like the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. You’ve lost your best friend, your primary coping skill, and your identity in one fell swoop. Other times it will seem like there is no way they could understand what you’re going through. Either way, it’s likely to be a frustrating exchange.

The general public does not understand alcoholism. They don’t understand drinking problems, and they don’t understand sobriety. People think you can just cut down. They don’t get why you can’t at least have a glass of wine at dinner – as if you’ve ever done that! They’re baffled as to why you can’t smoke pot or pop a recreational Xanax. At first their lack of insight may be painful. But as you become more familiar with your situation, you won’t need their understanding as much. The only important thing is that you understand that you can’t drink. It is nice to be around folks who get it, of course, which is one reason people turn to 12-step meetings. Occasionally, I really need to be able to sit in a room and vent about how, though our culture sometimes appears to revolve around alcohol, understanding of alcoholism is scant. It’s great to watch people bobbing their heads in agreement, rather than tilting them in a puppy-dog huh?
Am I painting a bleak picture of telling your friends about the new you? Maybe it’s because I’m remembering that time I tried to quit for just a week, and a friend responded by slamming a whiskey soda down in front of me and demanding I drink it. Of course I did. That was the first time I tried to quit. The more serious I became about wanting to stop, the more protective I became over who I let in on my fragile new reality.

Part of the problem is, you probably weren’t drinking alone. And if you were drinking alcoholically, chances are so were some of your friends. If you need to stop what does that say about them? It’s too much for most people to look at. Your sobriety can feel like a judgment on them, and what’s even worse, it may be. One of the most annoying things about getting sober is having to pretend you can’t spot a fellow alcoholic across the room. It’s poor form to “take another’s inventory” – decide that someone has a problem. That’s for them to decide. And it is really good practice to keep in mind that it’s none of your business how much anyone else drinks. But really – no one can read a drunk like another drunk. And if your friends aren’t ready to take a look at their partying they’re not going to appreciate your newly clear eyes upon them.

Truthfully, you’ll probably lose some friends when you get sober. What’s remarkable is that you get to see, very drastically, who is a true friend and who, in spite of how much they like you, just doesn’t have your best interests at heart. When I got sober there was a deep division between the people around me who embraced it, and the people around me who didn’t get it. The friends who right away knew that me getting sober was only an awesome thing are to this day my very best friends, almost a decade later. Maybe they were also the ones close enough to really see the shit I was doing: my ex, who saw how insane alcohol made me; my sister, whose bedroom I once destroyed during a drunken visit; a friend who drank with me until she got sober; and another who was hurt by the ways I’d prioritize getting wasted over spending quality time with her. They were 100 percent down with me swearing off the booze.

Other friends, not so much. “I thought you were just going to quit drinking but not go to those meetings,” said a friend who caught me on my way to an alcoholic support group. It was enough for her to get her head around not sharing coke with me in the bathroom, but now I was doing something secret and culty. It was too much.

Real friends are going to support whatever you have to do to stay sober, whether that is to stay away from the bar, not allow drinking in your house, or going to weird gatherings where you hold hands with strangers and say prayers. It’s probably going to take you a while to not feel like a major nerd for requiring that your rendezvous be at the tea house and not the ale house, but after your sobriety sinks in, you’ll be confident enough to ask for what you need. The only people who think bars are the only acceptable places to meet up tend to be alcoholics. If your friends aren’t capable of hanging out before midnight, they probably don’t care that much about your friendship. Take note.

Eventually, you might be fine meeting up at bars. I love dive bar ambience, and have also found that fancier places generally know how to mix an awe-inspiring mocktail (“Can you make me something amazing and nonalcoholic??” is what I ask). I do serve alcohol when I entertain, and I cook with it, too. People’s ignorance about alcoholism doesn’t make me quite so crazy (usually); I have a sense of humor about it. This might not be your path – I have friends who have been sober longer than I who hate being around drunk people, while I sort of love it. Only time will tell. But for sure you’ll be able to stand behind what you need to be sober and sane, and happy.

My social calendar is as full as it was when I drank, the main difference is I actually choose to stay in some of the time, because I’m no longer chasing the good-time-dragon. A revelation of sobriety is that you’re not really missing anything. The friends who were phased out don’t leave a chasm in your life, because the people who support you take up more of your time, and you’re meeting new people, too. And every now and then, one of those friends from back in the day will find themselves needing a sober friend to have a confusing conversation with, and you’ll get an opportunity to connect on a much more profound level than the drunken bar bonding that didn’t really make it outside the bar.

Overcoming Addiction

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Dr. Phil believes addictions always serve a need. For many, it's a basic emotional need of coming to terms with self-worth and developing a strong sense of self. And the best thing you can possibly do is take action! Use Dr. Phil's strategies to make positive changes in your life:

Find the courage to determine what you need that you're not getting.

List three things that you feel you're running from in your life. What are you using your addictions to avoid? Get to the heart of the matter.

You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Get real with yourself. Ask the tough questions — and listen closely to your answers.

Behave your way to success. Instead of being afraid to be a successful person, learn how to own those positive feelings.

Work on how to present yourself on an "even-up" basis with the world. How can you know if you can stand on your own without the crutch of your addiction unless you remove it? 

Stop running. You can run but you can't hide. Stop putting your own happiness off until tomorrow.

Remember, you don't ever break a habit. If you want to get rid of bad behavior, you have to replace it with something positive — something that will make you stronger instead of weaker. Work on identifying positive behaviors that would make good replacements for your addictions.



http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/232

What is a hangover?

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                                 What is a hangover? 

A hangover is a collection of signs and symptoms linked to a recent bout of heavy drinking. The sufferer typically has a headache, feels sick, dizzy, sleepy, confused and thirsty. Hangovers can occur at any time of day, but are usually more common the morning after a night of heavy drinking. As well as physical symptoms, the person may also experience elevated levels of anxiety, regret, shame, embarrassment, as well as depression.

The severity of a hangover is closely linked to how much alcohol was consumed, and whether the sufferer had enough sleep. The less sleep the worse the hangover. It is impossible really to say how much alcohol can be safely consumed to avoid a hangover - it depends on the individual, his/her circumstances that day, how tired they were before their drinking started, whether they were already dehydrated before the drinking began, whether they drank plenty of water during their drinking session, how much sleep they got afterwards, etc.

In the vast majority of cases, hangovers go away after about 24 hours. Responsible drinking can help avoid hangovers - this is covered further down the page. What are the signs and symptoms of a hangover? A symptom is something the sufferer or patient feels and describes, such as feeling thirsty or a headache, while a sign is something everybody, including the doctor or nurse can detect, such as bloodshot eyes, or a rash.

The signs and symptoms of a hangover generally start to occur when the drinker's blood alcohol drops considerably - typically, the morning after a night of high alcohol consumption, and may include:

Accelerated heartbeat

Anxiety

Bloodshot eyes

Body and muscle aches

Diarrhea

Dizziness

Halitosis (bad breath)

Headache

Hypersalivation

Flatulence

Lethargy, tiredness, fatigue, listlessness

Nausea

Photophobia (sensitivity to light)

Problems focusing or concentrating

Sensitivity to loud sounds

Depression (dysphoria)

Irritability

Moodiness

Sleepiness, or a feeling of sleep deprivation

Stomachache

Thirst

Trembling or shakiness, erratic motor functions

Vomiting.

If the individual has the following more severe signs and symptoms, he/she may have alcohol poisoning - this is a medical emergency (get medical help as soon as possible)

Breathing loses its regular rhythm

Breathing slows down to less than eight inhalations per minute

Confusion or stupor. The patient is in a daze

Fits (seizures)

Hypothermia - body temperature drops

The patient passes out (loses consciousness)

The skin becomes pale, or takes on a blue tinge

Vomiting continues and does not abate.

What are the causes of a hangover? A hangover is the consequence of having consumed too much alcohol - an accumulation of several factors:

Urination - alcohol makes people urinate more, which raises the chances of dehydration occurring. Dehydration can give the individual that sensation of thirst and lightheadedness.

Immune system response - there may be an inflammatory response by the immune system to alcohol, which may affect appetite, concentration and memory.

Stomach irritation - alcohol consumption raises the production of stomach acids; it also slows down the rate at which the stomach empties itself - this combination can lead to nausea, vomiting or stomachache.

Drop in blood sugar - some people's blood sugar levels can fall steeply when they consume alcohol, resulting in shakiness, moodiness, tiredness, general weakness, and even seizures in some cases.

Dilation of blood vessels - alcohol consumption can cause the blood vessels to dilate, which can cause headaches.

Sleep quality - although sleeping when drunk is common, the quality of that sleep may be poor. The individual may wake up tired and still sleepy.

Congeners - these are substances that are produced during fermentation and are responsible for most of the taste and aroma in distilled drinks (whisky, gin, etc). They are known to contribute to symptoms of a hangover. Examples of congeners include esters and aldehydes.

How can I treat a hangover? According to the National Health Service (NHS), UK, there is no "treatment" for a hangover - the best way to avoid one is either not to drink, or to drink sensibly and within the recommended limits. Our article what is the best hangover cure? features some of the common myths and suggests some methods of prevention. 

Health authorities say that men should not consume over 3 to 4 units and women 2 to 3 units of alcohol per day.

You should not drink more than you know your body can handle.

A hangover has to run its course, and that can be best done with rest, drinking plenty of water, perhaps some painkillers and simply waiting.

Do not go for a "hair of the dog" - an alcoholic drink to get rid of a hangover. This is a myth, and will likely just prolong your hangover symptoms. The following tips may help:

Drink - sip water throughout the day. Water is the best fluid.

Eating - go for bland foods, such as crackers or bread, which may raise blood sugar and are easy on the stomach. Fructose-containing foods may help metabolize (break down and get rid of) the alcohol more rapidly.

Pain - some people may take a painkiller. Be aware that certain painkillers, such as acetaminophen (Tylenol, paracetamol) attack the liver, while aspirin may not be ideal for a very delicate stomach. If you are not sure what to choose, ask a qualified pharmacist or health care professional.

Rest - if you can manage to get back to sleep, you will probably recover a little bit faster. Make sure you have some water next to your bed.

Written by Christian Nordqvist

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/5089.php

Helpful Passages

          Helpful passages for the path to  freedom from addiction

(For help with a drug or alcohol addiction, please call 1-800-513-5423 or visit our website http://drugrehabservices.com/  )

                                           

Ephesians 5:18-20 “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ;”

Titus 2:11-14 “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world; Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.”

James 1:12-15 “Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.”

John 8:36 - If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.

1 Peter 5:10 - But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

James 1:12-15 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Matthew 5:13-16  “You are the salt of the earth, but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled under people's feet. “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Rom 12:2, cf. 2 Cor 3:18)

“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor 10:13, cf. Jas 1:12, 4:7)

Be Yourself

Be Yourself 

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make your something else, is the greatest accomplishment. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

                   
                                                    AudioSlave Be Yourself Video

Advice from Parents of Teen Drug Addicts

          Advice from Parents of Teen Drug Addicts

By the time their teen has entered treatment for their drug addiction, most parents have been through some really horrible and trying times. Most parents worry about grades, or car, or college choices , but a parent of an addict constantly will worry if their child will even live long enough to be able to drive.

What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Although every situation is different, counselors have spoken with so many parents over time that they have learned some of the answers to many of the questions parents of addicts have.

“I tried to believe the things he would tell me” is a common thing heard from parents. Addicts often lie about many things, even small, trivial things. An example from one father was, “I would ask her, ‘Did you take the trash out?’ and she would even lie about that. ‘Did you clean your room?’ and she would lie to me again. ‘Who are you spending the night with?’ and she’d lie. ‘Are you using drugs again?’ and she would lie. I’m not an ignorant person, but she is my little girl, and I wanted to believe her.”

Parents reach a certain point where they can't handle it anymore. They will stop letting their kids run over them and they will assume the role, once again, of parent. This is when true healing begins.

“I should have had more rules and been more strict on him.” Parents will often regret not helping their teen make choices regarding sexual encounters, or drinking at parties. They may not have realized that their child was facing a totally different, more dangerous culture than the one of their own youths. They believed in giving children freedom and choices. Now they wish that they had given their child more guidance and information about the dangers of drug use. They wish they had implemented more rules and curfews.


If the parents are divorced, then they will often believe the divorce caused their teenager's drug problem. “She didn't have her mom at her school play” or “He did not have Dad to watch his football games” are some of the situations brought up to counselors during therapy.

“I didn't spend enough time with him when he was growing up.” Many parents feel that their job, or adult friendships took up too much time away from their children and this is what may have contributed to the teen's drug abuse. They regret that they were too busy to notice what was happening to their child.

“We let our child’s situation become desperate.” Parents of addicted teens, will often regret that they let the situation get out of control for fear of upsetting their child and making them either leave or rn away. By not taking control of the situation, this caused the child to get more out of control.


Parents of addicted teens all have different stories to tell. They all love their children very much and know what is it like to go through it. If your child is in need of substance abuse treatment, please contact us 1-800-513-5423 http://drugrehabservices.com/

Intervention Information

 Intervention Information

What pressures does the addict feel now?

 The addict doesn’t necessarily have the same reality about their addiction that non-addicts might. For instance, he/she may have semi serious health problems/no friends and no job or income but feel like they are “doing ok”. Many addicts have actually overdosed on drugs coming very close to death and are right back using drugs the very next day. This may appear crazy, but in fact this is only part of the pain for the addict. With this in mind, the addict from time to time will encounter added pressure, which forces them to make an actual decision about whether to seek help or continue to use. Pending legal charges that could easily lead to jail time, threat of losing spouse, pending loss of job, all are possible situations where a person has enough pressure to fight the addiction and seek help. Although any one in particular may not work in your situation, there are pressures that can come to bear which will help prod the addict into a decision to seek help. It is easy to assume the addict is “only seeking help to avoid jail” or some other evaluation which in many cases is true. The fact remains that an addict will only seek help when some one or some thing pushes him out of his “ addiction comfort zone” and forces him into a decision. Very few addicts with access to money, a place to live, people who agree with his usage and no legal issues seek help. They “don’t have a problem”. This is very important to understand and will be crucial in any attempt at
intervention

What is the ruin of the addict ?

 The addict has things in his/her past or present that seems like a devastating event and which has something to do with drugs. One example is a person that has lost his best friends due to his addiction. Another example is a person losing his wife and child over drug abuse. A family member can look at an addict’s life and see hundreds of reasons he/she should quit using but unfortunately these reasons are not REAL to the addict. There are, however, problems the addict encounters that are real or significant in the addicts life, which he/she sees as a reason to quit using drugs. These are important to identify because they can be used during the intervention to
remind the addict why he/she must seek help.

Who should be there?

 One of the major considerations involving intervention is selecting who will be there. This matter should be well thought out before hand. The number of people there is less important than who is there. If at all possible, the person in the family whom the addict respects the most should be there. This person is an opinion leader to the addict and needs to be there fully supportive of getting the person help and informed
well about the actual agenda. As many family members as possible should be there as long as each and every one are completely in agreement about the fact that the person needs help and supportive of the general agenda. If someone in the family is antagonistic against the addict and is not capable of restraining themselves from arguments and blame then you might consider leaving them out. Usually, the addict has many enemies and has done wrong to most of the family but arguments and in turbulation will not benefit the cause of getting the addict to seek treatment and in fact will usually result in stopping this from happening because the focus of attention gets placed on the argument and not on the matters at hand. Many people hire professional intervention counselors to run the intervention. This is advisable in many situations but not a necessity in most. This depends largely on individual circumstances. For instance, does the person have pending legal issues, external pressures etc. or does the person deny completely any drug usage. These type factors need to be considered intensely before bringing in an outside person. You may want to seek help in establishing who should be present at the intervention because it is a crucial factor

When is the appropriate time?

 When does the intervention take place? Ideally, this has less to do with the family schedule and more to do with what’s going on in the addict’s life. The optimum time for an intervention is just after a major event. Such an event would be if they arrested, or when he/she has wronged (lied, stolen, cheated etc.) a family member and shows remorse or guilt. Another would be spouse leaving. Yet another would be after an overdose. Although you obviously don’t want to risk the addict’s life by postponing forever, an intervention will be exponentially more effective after such events when the addict is down and feels like his/her world is coming to an end. Even in the absence of these situations, an intervention can be successful especially if the family is close to the addict daily so that every little situation is known. An addict’s life is a major roller coaster and the only way an addict can deny their problem is to successfully hide these problems from those who love him. A major consideration should be when the addict is sober. In the case of cocaine, meth- amphetamine etc. this should be in the morning after the addict has slept. In the case of heroin or methadone or opiate type drugs, it will be when they are withdrawing and not high. In either case attempting an intervention while a person is extremely high will usually not be productive because the addict can not see many of their problems and their attention will fixed elsewhere. In general, the timing of the intervention is crucial and needs planning but
at the same time an addict’s life is very unstable so opportunities present themselves reasonably frequently

What is the general language or message ?

 The tone should be concern. The intention should be clear. It should be unwavering. “ We love you, we’ve always loved you, we’ll never stop loving you but we’re not willing to watch you kill yourself with drugs”. The family should definitely express concern but not sympathize with the addict. Sympathy is a form of agreement and can back fire by justifying the addiction. Without any anger or fear, the addict should “get” from every one present that the situation is known and that he/she needs treatment. Don’t allow stories of family problems and life’s troubles sway the attention off the point that the addict has a problem and needs to seek help fixing it. This  is where the family’s preparation pays off.

What is Plan B ?

 An intervention with proper planning and carried out correctly will result many times in an addict agreeing to receive help. But you must accept the fact that ultimately the addict may for whatever reason say “NO”. This scenario needs to be thought out in advance so that the family consistently moves to the proverbial –plan B. If for what ever reason the intervention fails, the addict is still an addict and statistically the situation will likely get worse not better, so what is the action taken by the family at this point? The family knows the
person is addicted and the addict has been confronted with this fact so whatever message the family gives the addict at this point is critical. By refusing to seek treatment the addict in general is saying to the family “ I want to continue to use drugs. I want to continue the families suffering. I want to control my own life. ”The family will in turn answer with every word and action taken. If the
family says " I understand. Please leave and don't expect any money or support in any way unless you decide to get help." then the addict is left to run his/her life which they generally do not have the ability to do, and before long you have a person who "DECIDES" that treatment is the best thing and calls saying just that. If on the other hand the family sort of acts disappointed and carries on as usual, then the addict gets the message that it is OK to continue this life style and will put up even more resistance to intervention in the future having bested the intervention team previously. Obviously, there are certain risks involved with either approach and should be evaluated clearly before hand. One thing is certain, as long as the addict continues to use, they risk the only one thing they have; their life. The bottom line is that an addict needs to decide, for whatever reason, that they need help. Most " locked down " approaches fail because the addict is
not part of the recovery. The only way an addict can usually fight against the addiction is when enough external pressure is applied to cause them to decide to quit. Many call this "the bottom". However, there can be many bottoms. Obviously some are lower than others, but each can make a person quit drugs. It just depends on what happens when the person is there. For instance a person is facing serious charges and is very scared. The person will either have an intervention and go to treatment or will get through this situation and be back out using. In the final analysis, it is often the family who both spots the incident and uses it to achieve treatment, or misses and waits.